___ toiled over ridiculous reviewer experiments for over a year for the honor of being 4th author.
___ did all the work but somehow ended up second author because the first author "had no papers".
___ told the first author to drop the project several times before being glad they themselves thought of it.
___ was better to have as an author than as a reviewer.
___ ceased caring about this paper about 2 years ago.
Nobody's quite sure why ___ is an author, but it seems weird to take them off now.
___ made a real fuss about being second vs. third author, so we made them co-second author, which only serves to signal their own utter pettiness to the community.